By Kirsti Frazier, MA

In all the years I have helped teams deliver software as a technology manager, I’ve lived by one golden rule: Empower each and every team member to bring their best selves to work every day. Make every meeting or standup gathering into a forum that welcomes everyone on the team and gives them a sense of being valued for their contributions. By honestly and deliberately respecting the perspective and contributions of every person in the room in every instance, teams thrive—they are motivated, their creativity is engaged, and they deliver.

I have been fortunate enough to work on many great teams with not one failure among them; the common thread has been this principle of respecting and valuing everyone’s contributions every day, even when mistakes are made or setbacks occur.

My operating principle is an extension of the adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” And because you can’t give away something that you don’t have, extending love and compassion to yourself is a crucial leadership skill.

People are dismissive of self-love as a game-changer, considering it to be touchy-feely or even a waste of time to focus effort on something so personal. We set aside the idea that we are valuable and deserving of love and care in order to focus on people and things outside of ourselves. We choose instead to take care of others and follow our to-do lists, meeting whatever goals are most immediate and top of mind.

The truth is that if you have love and compassion for yourself, sharing that in the form of respect and care for the people around you will come naturally. And there is nothing more valuable than that, nothing that will take you further toward satisfaction and success. A healthy amount of mutual respect and genuine compassion for those around you empowers your team.

It’s true that some people make it difficult. In the work setting, I’ve seen people move “up” while demeaning and belittling the contributions of others, portraying colleagues and partnering companies as slow, inept, and incapable. There are always people who don’t demonstrate respect for others—people who are judgmental, unforgiving, or dismissive, or who communicate that they don’t value what others have to say or are working on. Some people can’t empathize when a contributor or teammate needs personal time to care of an ill family member or—heaven forbid—to see to their own needs. In corporate settings, those people have a way of sending that energy out to the people around them, discouraging honesty and creative discussion and making their colleagues uncomfortable and self-conscious. We’ve all worked with those people.

What I notice, though, is that when people feel valued, they naturally extend that sense of their own value toward their peers and colleagues, opening a door for communication that yields creative solutions and efficient, collegial working relationships. Outliers usually develop more respectful behavior over time or self-select out of the group.

A virtuous cycle springs from colleagues who come to work with a sense of their own value.  These people bring their best, whole selves to work in an environment where they feel valued, accepted, and cared about. Self-loving people want their experience at work to be worthy of their effort, focus, and attention—and when they feel that investment, they deliver. Even better, these people are able to share their self-respect and self-compassion with the people around them. All creative success springs from self-esteem, the belief that what you have to offer is worth sharing.

In a Psychology Today article, Ravi Shah, M.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia University Irving Medical Center, noted that “self-compassion is critical for healthy self-esteem and resilience … If we hold ourselves to impossible standards, if we never give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, chances are we will have trouble doing so for others. And thinking about others’ feelings and giving others breaks are key skills for developing solid relationships.”

Going further, the founders of Aetna Health have called love a fuel for their mission of bringing positive change to health care.

The bottom line: Create and maintain a thriving, vibrant business environment to encourage collaboration, increase engagement, efficiency, and job satisfaction to get creative juices flowing, and to increase the energy, investment, and throughput at your organization. It makes sense to recognize the importance—and cultivation—of self-love and self-respect for yourself and for the people you work with.

Editor’s note: CredibleMind has topics and resources for employees wishing to cultivate self-love and self-care. These include original content such as “Self-Care” by Rev. Chelsea MacMillan, “Self-Care and Mindfulness in the Time of Isolation” by Jen Stern, LISW, and “The Most Valuable Thing” by Ari Goldfield, MA, JD, as well as links to hundreds of expert-rated resources such as apps, videos, TED talks (such as “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth” by Adia Gooden), and books.

Other resources:

• “Self-esteem, race, and job satisfaction,” ScienceDirect
• “The power of self-compassion,” Harvard Health
• “The Transformative Effects of Mindful Self-Compassion,” Mindful

At CredibleMind, we can help you and your company become a place where everyone can flourish.